053: I just can't relax

I was out on the balcony on a sunny day in Austin. It was a nice day. Everything was fine. Beautiful music playing. My day's work was done. And that's when it hit me:

I'm good at many things—but relaxing isn't one of them. Even when you see me chilling, inside of me, there's so much tension, so many things I try to fit into any given unit of relaxation.

I'm constantly reaching for more, forever striving for something else, incessantly trying to live up to some chimerical ideal, always attempting to climb an insurmountable peak. I turn everything into work, judge myself and others very harshly. It just never stops.

It's just who I am today. Maybe one day I'll change. But for now, that's me.

Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/i-just-cant-relax/

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